Lead By Example, Not By Expectation

We all have an idea of how life should be. How people should behave. How things should work. And if we’re honest, we’ve all felt the frustration that comes when things don’t go the way we think they should. Maybe it’s a coworker who doesn’t pull their weight. A friend who keeps making the same mistakes. A family member who just won’t take your advice, no matter how much you try to help.

If you’re someone who holds yourself to a high standard—and you expect excellence from yourself in everything you do—it’s easy to assume others should do the same. It’s easy to believe that if they just worked a little harder, disciplined themselves a little more, or took responsibility the way you do, their lives would be better. And maybe that’s true. But here’s the problem: You can’t control them. You can’t force them to see what you see. You can’t make them take action. And if you spend all your time and energy trying to change others, you’ll end up exhausted, frustrated, and disappointed.

That’s why the wisdom in this quote is so powerful: Be strict with yourself and lenient with others.

Think about that for a moment. It means we are responsible for setting and maintaining our own high standards, but we have to give others room to walk their own path. It doesn’t mean we lower the bar for ourselves. It doesn’t mean we stop striving for excellence or give up on growth. What it means is that we recognize the only person we can truly control is ourselves.

The Hardest Thing for High Achievers

If you’re someone who is naturally driven, disciplined, and goal-oriented, this is hard. Really hard. Because when you see someone struggling, you want to step in and help. You want to give them advice, push them forward, get them to see what you see. But here’s the truth: People don’t change because we tell them to. They change because they’re ready.

And while you may not be able to force anyone to change, you can inspire them.

When people see the way you live—when they see the discipline, the consistency, the commitment—you don’t have to say a word. Your actions speak louder than any lecture you could ever give. People notice integrity. They notice commitment. And if they’re ready, they’ll ask how you do it. That’s your moment to help. Not by pushing, but by guiding. Not by controlling, but by leading.

Judgment vs. Grace

There’s another trap that high achievers fall into: judgment. When we set a high bar for ourselves, it’s easy to start expecting the same from others. And when they don’t measure up, we judge. We assume they’re lazy. Unmotivated. Undisciplined. But the truth is, we don’t know their story. We don’t know their struggles. We don’t know what battles they’re fighting that we can’t see.

Being strict with yourself means holding yourself accountable. Being lenient with others means giving them grace. It means meeting them where they are, not where you think they should be. It means loving them even when they fall short, the same way you hope to be loved when you fall short.

The Freedom of Letting Go

Here’s the real beauty of this principle: When you stop trying to control others, you free yourself. You free yourself from frustration. From resentment. From the constant stress of trying to make other people change. You learn to focus your energy where it actually makes a difference—on yourself. On your growth. On your discipline. On your commitments.

And in doing that, you become a person worth following. Not because you demand it. Not because you force it. But because people want to learn from you.

So today, I challenge you: Hold yourself to the highest standard. Push yourself. Be disciplined. Do the hard things, even when no one is watching. But when it comes to others, extend grace. Let go of the need to control. And trust that your example will speak louder than any words ever could.